Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Just An Illusion?

To me, time is a demon, an enemy and a lover. It seems that I have always chased it and it has always eluded me.
I’m searching for a revision to how I perceive time. I’m nowhere near a solution, but I think a clue may lie in the way that people bemoan time that isn’t “theirs.” We count down until 5:00, detest Mondays and can’t wait for Friday. This view concerns me, because it makes my time at work “lost time.” I’m starting to find this a very ineffective view, although I understand it. Like it or not, a day at work is 8 hours that I don’t have to get the lawn mowed. So, how to stop robbing myself of that time?
I don’t know where my time goes. When I attended physical classes, I met people who worked, went to school and raised a family! I really can’t imagine how parents do it! I know that my childless status allows me much more time than people with kids, yet I still don’t seem to have any of it. I am in awe of folks who claim to be bored – who has time to be bored??
Maybe I plan too much of my time. It seems that this is a modern phenomenon; my grandma didn’t have every moment of her time planned. I love that she was free for a game (or two or three) of Scrabble when I visited her, even when she wasn’t expecting me.
I admire people who are home and free to chat when visitors drop in on them. The only time I read for fun is when I’m on vacation. I want to be able to host card parties with my friends. I would like to have Mom and Sarge down for dinner more often.
But, there are lawns to mow and errands to run and I’m out of cat litter and the car is overdue for a lube & oil and blah, blah, blah. Besides trying to find time for these necessities, I’d like to volunteer for Save-A-Pet, join the Rotary, and hike Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore.
Ironically, I have time to blog. Hmmm . . .
It will come to me; I just need time (there’s irony for ya!) to mull it over. I have to find a way to better manage my time, because, at this point, it’s managing me. It’s crazy and I resent it, as much as I know that I created it myself. I don’t want to do this anymore!

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